Not a big announcement or anything, just some thoughts on life, & probably some unpopular opinions on Columbine on tumblr & on Columbine forums.
I try not to make alot of really personal posts on here, but what the hey—it lets me get it out. I feel it’s about time to take a sort of hiatus from tumblr (other than maybe occasionally checking some tags). It (among other things) has been a way for me to kinda escape from the reality of my life. It’s been difficult the past several months w/ two illnesses and deaths in close family. Then there’s all the shit that comes with it (adjusting to life w/o that person, trying to comfort others, etc). I need to get my life together—start/finish things I’ve been putting off, hopefully move to a more desirable location in the near future, etc.—especially since I have people depending on me.
Something else about this site is how boring and/or misinformed the Columbine tag has gotten lately. I’m still interested in the case, but there hasn’t been much “new new” stuff, some is inaccurate, & it seems that alot of people just want you to spoon-feed them the information & make up their minds for them. Intelligent discussion is few & far between; even with that, you could go around in circles all day long speculating on this or that. And fat chance of going to another forum on the subject. The “Columbine game” forum was just a big unofficial Eric Harris fanclub (god forbid you said something nice/neutral about Dylan). Yeah, I get sharing information & ideas w/ like-minded people, but, Columbine forums are usually full of pretentious assholes who think throwing in some big words & using proper grammar gives them authority in their second-rate Freudian analyses of Eric & Dylan. Because, in the end, that’s all it is and all it ever will be. Oh wait. I’d better not de-emphasize the “spiritual connection” they have w/ Eric & Dylan—you know, the one that’s a direct line to their wet panties. I do not believe one person that says “I’m just interested in the case” (unless it’s a straight guy). It’s amazing, though, how they all kiss each others’ asses, all the while still obliviously fantasizing that their “spiritual connection” is truly unique. Literally, LOL.
I completely understand how Columbine can consume your life—I’ve been there for about 2 years, give or take. Dylan still fascinates me to no end. I want, and need!, to know about him. The thing is, though, if you honestly have nothing else going on in your life except to spend hours on a forum making long posts to a bunch of people on a bunch of topics, then you may want to re-evaluate that “spiritual connection.” Chances are, you’ve created it to fill a void. You’re using it as a crutch. You simply have too much time on your hands. If I could get Dylan here by my side, I would. But I would rather get out & live my life than sit on an internet forum all damn day & yap with a bunch of people who think they knew him. I think they keep holding out hope that someday one of Eric or Dylan’s relatives/buddies will get on there & spill the beans about the boys. Well, nothing is impossible, but I won’t hold my breath. Speaking of which, I just can’t get over the “godhood” status that has descended upon Brooks because he openly talks about it. Don’t get me wrong; he’s a great source of information, but his views/perceptions/experiences/opinions & those of Eric/Dylan may not necessarily be one and the same, people. Just a little something to consider. And more than likely, he had little or no knowledge of what all was really in Dylan’s heart until he read his journal like the rest of us. Oh, &, spoiler alert!, the boys’ friends/family are still not them. You may gain insight, but you still won’t have the man himself. I also think they think someday someone will come up w/ just the right amateur psychoanalysis & that will satisfy the “why” & validate their “spiritual connection.”
I think Eric & Dylan wanted us to be enthralled (or else why leave so much behind for an audience?), & it’s easy to be that. But at a certain point, you have to accept that they are gone…..and that Columbine happened for many reasons…and that you may never fully know or understand why it happened…and that it may or may not have been prevented…and even if it could have been prevented, it wasn’t. They both went through with it. It happened & there is nothing you can do about it now….and unless something really cool happens, they aren’t coming back from the dead…and it’s pathetic to keep trying to validate your “unique spiritual connection.” Perhaps in the afterlife/some other life, there will be answers. But for this lifetime, your chances of Eric & Dylan being your lover or best friend are nonexistent. If it’s therapist you want to play, go out & help people who have similar problems to Eric & Dylan. They still stand a chance to be reached, but Eric & Dylan can’t be saved in this life. It’s over. These people just don’t get it.
Of course, this doesn’t apply to every single person participating on a forum, but I can make an educated estimate that it’s a good bit of them. Learning about Eric/Dylan is not a waste of time, but these forums are. Hey, I guess if someone wants to spend all their time rehashing a tragedy, torturing themselves w/ speculation, & trying ultra-hard to convince themselves & others of a deep psychic bond w/ Eric or Dylan, then knock yourself out.